Three little words

This is very loosely a sequel to grungerockchick's guide to the fairer sex where I talked about why I really don't think chicks are that hard to figure out.  I am a big proponent of Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages, and my primary languages are Words of Affirmation, with a dash of Physical Touch.

So this entry is another sassy relationship commentary on why I really don't think words are that freaking difficult! :)

You see the biggest single problem with Words of Affirmation, is people...ahem, especially men...seem to have some idea that this means long winded poetry or, those dreaded words "I love you".  Not so!  It's more about quality and less about quantity.  I have been with men who could talk the hind leg off a donkey and yet still leave me feeling unloved.  I've also been with men who said very little, but in a few phrases could make me feel like the most loved woman on the face of the earth.  I have friends who make me feel loved every day with only a sentence or two.

grungerockchick's guide to the fairer sex

So I was having a wee lil whinge, as you do, to a friend this morning about life in general and as often happens, we had a nice little vent session about you gentlemen.  You see, I really don't think we're that hard.  Really.

When I said to my friend that there are really only three rules you need to follow, she laughed.  Then I told her what they were and she said "Heh.  You're kinda right you know".  I know :).  So, read on...!

Hopeless Hope

So...life has kind of gone to pieces again in the last few weeks.  I remain faithful in my promises to my King to keep loving, keep waiting and keep hoping.  I know our Savior has a plan, I know my faith will not go unrewarded and I know that ultimately, no love is worthless no matter how it might turn out in the end.  Patience, faith, love and grace - I am doing my best to walk in these traits as He has asked me to do.

The geeklings father has also told me in the last week that he wants to share custody of our children 50/50.  It's been a huge shock to me - and while, ultimately, I think will be to the benefit of our sons, the idea of "giving up" that much of my children's lives just wrenches my heart out.  I had never imagined a time when they wouldn't be "all mine".

I'm sitting here wondering just how much ache one heart can take in a short space of time.  Sunday, a week and two days ago, I sat sobbing with a friend and all I could say to her through my tears was "I can't".

Her response?  "It's not 'I can't' - the words are God Help Me".  So...God, please help me.  With His help, I can do anything that is asked of me.

Truth, beauty and a picture of you

This is another in a series that was written some months ago, but I withheld publishing until now.  I think I wrote this back in October 2011.


One of the songs by The Whitlams that never fails to mist me up is No Aphrodisiac - "there's no aphrodisiac like loneliness...truth, beauty and a picture of you".  It's a really poignant song that speaks to me about looking for love in all the wrong places, giving ourselves too freely, too soon and too much because we are longing to be loved in return.  I'm writing today's post in honor of several friends who have given their hearts recently to men who aren't sure if they want them...ladies, I want YOU to know your beauty.

Several months ago, I was preparing to attend my grandmother's funeral.  In the dark quiet of the wee hours, I shuffled around the house getting ready - ironing my best dress, fixing my hair, finding a necklace she gave to me which I rarely wear because it's not "me", but wanted to wear that day.  I wore it as my link to the past, and a pair of ear rings from the man who holds my heart which I wear daily as my hope for the future.  I finished fixing my make up, and looked in the mirror, to catch a glimpse of that first five minutes of "make up perfection" that never seems to last quite past your front step!  And I realised...I am beautiful.  No, not because I have stunning features or a figure to die for (I wish!).  But I am a beautiful woman who is tender of heart, loyal, compassionate and generous to a fault, and for all of my flaws and insecurities, I have an inner strength and beauty that deserves to be cherished, because my silent soul has the strength and faith to move mountains, to do what needs to be done, no matter the cost.  YOU have this, YOU are beautiful.  We ALL are.

And that is why I'm on a Facebook ban!

Recently, after some consideration, I decided I needed a "Facebook ban" - some time out from social networking.  Knowing myself as I do, I knew I'd have to actually deactivate my account in order to stick to this! So I asked a trusted friend to take on admin of the pages I own that didn't already have a co-admin (including the fan page for this blog!), went through the Facebook "we'll miss you" guilt trip of deactivating and then the obligatory 12 hours of withdrawals LOL!

Two days later I realised perhaps I was being overly hopeful in assuming no-one on my friends list would assume it was about them and asked The Bestie to post on her status for me (since she has 90% of my friends list on hers!) explaining that I was taking a break.  I was immediately beset with texts from a concerned friend asking what was "wrong", and "who" had upset me, etc.  Then today, I received a text from another friend who is not on The Bestie's list, assuming I had deleted him over some banter we'd had on Facebook the previous week and feeling quite put out.

Until I hear it from you, it's not a fact

Have you ever thought about how dangerous gossip and third hand information are?  About our ability to read almost everything into almost nothing and just how dangerous the lack of information can be to the psyche and how damaging to relationships?

My new life motto is: Until I hear it from you, it's not a fact.

Do I make you uncomfortable?

Discomfort can be good, if you recognise it and use it appropriately.  Oftentimes, we don't listen to others or reject their point of view not because we've considered it and found it to be lacking, but because it makes us uncomfortable and we don't want it to be true.  

Human beings are geared to react evasively to pain and generally this serves us well - when we touch the hot stove and it hurts, we back away.  When we cut ourselves with the kitchen knife, we learn to be more careful.  This reflex, however, tends to fall flat on its face and be counterproductive when it comes to receiving advice and guidance from others, or working through "tough stuff" in interpersonal relationships.  Rather than sticking out the tough stuff, we turn tail and run...often cutting off our nose to spite our face!

Fairy cakes and reality bites

I've been thinking lately a lot about the hidden secrets of the heart...and the way life almost never pans out that way.  I had myself a nice little sookie to my brother on the weekend asking him to explain one of the men in my life, to which he replied "I would but I can't, bro code" (which I think, secretly, is boy for "actually, I've no idea, but I won't admit it"!).  Despite my plea of "not even for your heart broken sister", all I got was "Bro code.  But heart broken sisters can have hugs."  Cheers dude...!

The move that was

On Friday, I moved into my VERY OWN HOME for the first time!  After over a decade of renting, I'm a proud first home owner.  It's been a massive journey, the day was nothing like I'd ever imagined and while I didn't get to share it with the people I had hoped and planned to, I was very blessed to have my loving parents with me to share my joy (and stresses and sorrows LOL!).

Moving out of my last rental was also quite an emotional milestone - it was the first house where I was truly independent, where I fell in love for the first time in my life.  Saying good-bye to the scene of those memories was kind of hard, but I'll hold them close to my heart.

Ten things...

I'm torn about publishing several drafts at the moment - and being lazy about finishing the move post!  So, here are random lists of 10 things that make me want to cry and 10 that make me smile, in no particular order, that have occurred to me during my current house move.

A rose by any other name...

Today's little minutiae for musing is names...and their meaning.  The geeklings father and I were married for seven years, and when we married, I took his name.  Now that we're no longer together, I keep flip flopping on whether to reclaim my maiden name or to keep "his" which frankly after seven years kind of feels like "mine" just as much, especially since it is also the name that my children have.

Holding on and letting go

I'm in a process of massive personal growth and upheaval right now.  Three weeks ago, I worked out something fairly major about where I've been going wrong for a good chunk of my life, where I needed to go, and how to get there.  Now I'm stuck into the middle of the hard work of actually getting there. It's a process of holding on...and of letting go.  It's terrifying and empowering and thrilling and devastating all at the same time.

What's your go to Fix It Up FAST?

I have to tell you, today is not going overly swimmingly, largely for reasons that I can't articulate, due to not really being consciously aware of them.  Despite having averaged 7 hours of sleep a night for the last four nights (which any mother will tell you, is like pure luxury), I am still exhausted.  I woke up twenty minutes after my alarm went off, and feeling like I might spontaneously explode into a salt water fountain at the slightest provocation.  Arguing with the midgets on every aspect of preparation for the day didn't improve the situation.

Some people have it worse than I

One of the things that perennially bugs me is the propensity of some people to make light of others' problems by way of comparison - a sort of particularly harsh version of "suck it up sunshine".

There is nothing worse than reaching out for the support of a friend when you are struggling and being told to shush be grateful for what you do have.

Communication divide in the digital world

This is a blog post that's been kicking around in my head for at least 12 months, I reckon.  But having manifested itself again in my life this week, I've decided it's time for the metaphoric pen to come to paper.

We live in arguably the most connected world ever - at least in terms of technology and opportunity.  At no other time in history has it been so easy, so cost effective to exchange substantial and meaningful contact with anyone, almost anywhere on the planet.  And yet, interpersonal communication and, dare I say it, basic respect and not-so-common courtesy, seem to be taking a massive beating.

Really, I'm overweight? And next up at six, beans give you gas!

Image: Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Honestly, I will never understand some people's preoccupation with trying to "fix" other people's weight problems for them.  Do I come into your house and try to manage your diabetes or asthma for you?  Sit you down with a cuppa and insist that you delve into painful childhood abuses with me so that I can fix it for you?  No?  Then how about you leave well enough alone about my weight!