Crossing the bridge

Today is Easter Sunday.  Today we celebrate the true meaning of Christ's work for us on the cross...that He not only died for us, but that He was raised to life again for us.

Like many Christians around the nation and around the world, I spent a few hours this morning in a community of faith, worshipping my Savior and giving thanks and praise to Him.  It was also, for me, an opportunity to reflect on what Easter means to me as a Christian, and I'd like to share that with you.

How blessed we are by tantrums

Yes, you read me right.  How blessed we are by tantrums.  You see, I got to thinking the other day, about the walls and barriers we build up around ourselves...and that others put up to keep us out.

My own recent experience with the perils of shutting people out reminded me the immense value in both the intensely scary act of letting someone in...and the simple but invaluable act of being an available, accepting and loving support to those who give us this trust.

Get jiggy with your dark side

2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else Galatians 6:2-4

The Bestie has a saying; "We all have a dark side".  We were having a good chat about it yesterday, and it got me really thinking about the importance of becoming intimate with one's dark side...and embracing it.

Seasons and reasons

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

This week is once again, coming to the acceptance of God's will for me to work through a difficult season at the moment.  Accepting, with faith, hope and patience, that right now He asks me to walk a path that feels lonely, rough and unclear - the only promise absolute that He makes to me is my salvation in His son, and His love for me.

Hopeless Hope

So...life has kind of gone to pieces again in the last few weeks.  I remain faithful in my promises to my King to keep loving, keep waiting and keep hoping.  I know our Savior has a plan, I know my faith will not go unrewarded and I know that ultimately, no love is worthless no matter how it might turn out in the end.  Patience, faith, love and grace - I am doing my best to walk in these traits as He has asked me to do.

The geeklings father has also told me in the last week that he wants to share custody of our children 50/50.  It's been a huge shock to me - and while, ultimately, I think will be to the benefit of our sons, the idea of "giving up" that much of my children's lives just wrenches my heart out.  I had never imagined a time when they wouldn't be "all mine".

I'm sitting here wondering just how much ache one heart can take in a short space of time.  Sunday, a week and two days ago, I sat sobbing with a friend and all I could say to her through my tears was "I can't".

Her response?  "It's not 'I can't' - the words are God Help Me".  So...God, please help me.  With His help, I can do anything that is asked of me.

Rearview Mirror : Part I

I am starting to realise, just how often, the things in our lives that seem to be the worst, God takes them and uses them in His good and perfect plans for us.  When I look over the last year of my life, I am very, very much reminded of the famous poem Footprints - I can see that at the times I felt most low and lonely, the times I wondered where God was and even before I had re-accepted Him into my heart, there He was.

Carrying me.  Planning for me.  Preparing a journey for me and taking each tear drop, every ounce of agony, and turning it to His purpose.  What seemed so painfully unclear and confusing, becomes so clearly part of His purpose when I look at it with the benefit of hindsight.  Let me tell you a story...

Trust me

The only way out is letting your guard down and never die forgotten (I know) Forgive me my love I stand here all alone And I can see the bottom

You, Breaking Benjamin

I have had a rough week, emotionally.  For no discernible reason this week, the enemy redoubled his efforts to con me into believing his lies, it's that week of the month where I become an irrational insecure cranky mess, my children were with their father all week and we had yet another week of impossible deadlines and inexplicably broken stuff at work.  After spending the lead up to Christmas and New Year in an outpouring of love to several friends who needed me, I was already running on empty and feeling spent.

How are you dying today?

The other morning, I went to send the bestie a text, asking "How are you going today?".  Like many of us, I've got a "smart" phone and mine is a Samsung with a predictive text tool called "Swype".  Some how, my missive came out at "How are you dying today?".  And, of course, me being me, that sparked a blog post.

I've read and heard a lot lately about "dying to yourself" - giving one's life over to the Lord.  It seems like a massive concept.  The idea of living a laid down life seems so huge, so daunting, I think it's one we often put in the bucket of being something that "better Christians" can do.  Someone else.  Surely not me, I don't have the faith for that.  The will.  But, "how are you dying today" helped me shift this view into bite sized pieces.

What it means to belong to Him

One of my favourite songs at the moment is My Future Decided by Hillsong United.  The chorus refrain is:

Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours

I've been doing a lot of thinking, praying and reflecting on what it means to say that I belong to Him.

Love, actually

Source: Christian Stores

I put together some big (for me) bits and pieces about the nature of true love recently.  The bible comments on love from two perspectives - that we should love each other as Jesus loves us (John 13:34) and that we should love one another as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31).  Jo from Princess Warrior Lessons wrote a really good blog entry on the latter.

It sparked me to really internalizing the old adage "you can not truly love someone else, until you love yourself".  God wants us to to live love - to be love, give love and receive love.  For us to be the shining diamonds that channel and reflect His love, for all people, everywhere.

And that is why I'm on a Facebook ban!

Recently, after some consideration, I decided I needed a "Facebook ban" - some time out from social networking.  Knowing myself as I do, I knew I'd have to actually deactivate my account in order to stick to this! So I asked a trusted friend to take on admin of the pages I own that didn't already have a co-admin (including the fan page for this blog!), went through the Facebook "we'll miss you" guilt trip of deactivating and then the obligatory 12 hours of withdrawals LOL!

Two days later I realised perhaps I was being overly hopeful in assuming no-one on my friends list would assume it was about them and asked The Bestie to post on her status for me (since she has 90% of my friends list on hers!) explaining that I was taking a break.  I was immediately beset with texts from a concerned friend asking what was "wrong", and "who" had upset me, etc.  Then today, I received a text from another friend who is not on The Bestie's list, assuming I had deleted him over some banter we'd had on Facebook the previous week and feeling quite put out.

I'm not a survivor - I'm an Overcomer!

One of my favorite Bible passages at the moment comes from the book of Matthew, 19:26: Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

I have often referred to myself as a survivor - I'm tough and I can and do muddle through.  I know that quitting isn't an option most of the time, and combined with my natural loyalty, this leads me to grit my teeth and get through, if barely at times.

The Bestie gave me the most beautiful compliment recently when she said to me "you have a strength of mind stronger than almost anyone I know - you can get through anything you set your mind to".  Lately though, I've felt that this word falls short and is needlessly limiting.  I don't want to just survive, I don't think God intends for me to simply trudge through adversity in endless discomfort.  With my Lord beside me, I am no longer just a survivor - I'm an overcomer.