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Monday, July 2, 2012

Three little words

This is very loosely a sequel to grungerockchick's guide to the fairer sex where I talked about why I really don't think chicks are that hard to figure out.  I am a big proponent of Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages, and my primary languages are Words of Affirmation, with a dash of Physical Touch.

So this entry is another sassy relationship commentary on why I really don't think words are that freaking difficult! :)

You see the biggest single problem with Words of Affirmation, is people...ahem, especially men...seem to have some idea that this means long winded poetry or, those dreaded words "I love you".  Not so!  It's more about quality and less about quantity.  I have been with men who could talk the hind leg off a donkey and yet still leave me feeling unloved.  I've also been with men who said very little, but in a few phrases could make me feel like the most loved woman on the face of the earth.  I have friends who make me feel loved every day with only a sentence or two.

In my opinion, the idiot's guys to the key principles words of affirmation are:

  • Affirming or valuing something specific about the person you're speaking to
  • Sharing this in a way that's genuine and emotionally open
Here are some three word phrases that can be a heap more powerful than "I love you":
  • are beautiful
  • ...I am sorry
  • are forgiven
  • ...(I) enjoy your company
  • are talented
  • ...I appreciate you
  • are you?
Ok, so I cheated on number four and it is four words.  You get the point.  All of those statements require a greater or lesser degree of emotional openness and vulnerability...which is precisely why they are powerful.  They are meaningful to the receiver because they not only affirm and build them up, but they also say I trust you enough to be less than perfect with you.  I feel safe enough to show you who I really am in this moment.  You are important enough to me that I want you to know me, and I want to know you.

And that is really what those three little words are about.

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