I had a little "moment" in worship yesterday. You see, I'm a sinner. I'm broken. I'm lost. I make mistakes..."often and repeatedly" as Baker Boy would say. I'm also saved through the amazing sacrifice of Jesus Christ. And I'm so used to thinking of that in the following ways:
...my sins are covered by the blood of Christ...
...God views me as whole and perfect through Jesus....
...my sins are washed in the blood of Christ...
Fundamentally, I have been thinking of myself as a stinking, rotten, fruit that was covered in a beautiful skin. But still...the inside was rotten, and irredeemable. Jesus was the shield that "covered over" my sin, my imperfections, my laziness, my bad choices and stupid mistakes. God loves me only because He puts the "Jesus shield" around me and so He can bear to look at me. But inside, underneath that shield...I'm rotten and horrible, broken and not fixable.
He showed me yesterday, how wrong I am. Jesus' sacrifice is not only an amazing coverlet of love and forgiveness for what I am...He is the healing potion that can take me from that broken and sinful state to an amazing place. Every week in church we see the catch phrase "your best life" at the end of the announcements (can you guess where I worship? :-) ), and yet, I didn't truly understand.
It's not about throwing on an outer cloak of "best behavior". It's not about cowering behind a shield of God's forgiveness whilst secretly hating myself and every. single. thing. I do wrong. It's about accepting His mercy and forgiveness for those things, yes, but also allowing that that infuse me and change me. I am not beyond repair, beyond hope or beyond redemption. Maybe I can't change overnight. Maybe I can't instantly step into a sinless, saintly life. But through the grace of my Lord, I can be transformed. I can become a beautiful fruit, through and through, as His spirit spreads and works throughout my entire being.
That is the gift of the sacrifice of Christ. Not only can He bear to look at me, He is amazing enough to be fixing me, day by day, piece by piece, baby step by baby step. To be getting right inside those dirty and rotten places to make them whole and perfect. Even when I can't see it. Even though I don't deserve it. Even when I feel as though I am not worthy to look at His feet, let alone His face.
Jesus is not just my shield. He is the flowing river that restores my broken parts and makes them whole. He is the quiet teacher who helps correct my way. He is the carpenter who fixes my soul.
Thank You Lord that through you I can be all that You made me to be. One day at a time.